I'm taking a second swing at online blogging. I maintained a xanga site through the second half of college and into the beginning of my professional career before beginning to feel self-conscious about the things I had shared and the pictures I had posted. I had the good sense to keep things relatively clean. But as in the case of most of my personal writing, I experimented, wrote on impulse, and often used language far too strong for the context.
I'm sitting here awake because I slept until late in the day. I went into work at my usual time, but soon found that I couldn't steady my eyes long enough to read my e-mail and that I was sweating profusely. I came home thinking that maybe I'd gotten sick. I don't have any firm proof, but I'm convinced it was the Chili's I had last night.
Enough foreplay....
I usually apply reasonable solutions to the problems I encounter in my personal life. I make amends because I'm often wrong or because a gesture is a small price to pay for friendship. I slow down and take my time to get something right after f'ing it up the first time. I try not to take risks with other people's well-being (emotional, material, financial, etc.). But when reasonable solutions fail, or when a situation no longer appears to have solutions, I immediately run to the extremes; I either drop it all together or make radical changes. I have a habit of throwing everything away and starting over. No, not in the material sense... that would be completely irresponsible. I'm talking about the periphery... the places I frequent, the people I see casually, the things I do for fun. It is my solution to waking up and realizing that my life is not headed in the direction that I want.
I can recall three great razings in the history of being me. Only once has it resulted in happiness, though it never fails to permanently close the doors of temptation and short-sighted decision-making. I guess I should know by now that changes must be slow, well explored, and masterfully executed. Maybe this time I'll get it write. What can I say? I'm an old dog...
1 comment:
Greetings, Bartelby, and good luck with your second swing at the blogging endeavor.
I write to you today for a very specific reason. Please read my request and then feel free to reply, ignore me, and/or delete this comment. I’m writing today because, frankly, I covet your URL.
For a couple years now I’ve been publishing a blog titled “The Scrivener” at www.prochoros.blogspot.com and I’ve been lusting after your URL for months and months. If you had a long history here at this URL, I would never dream of being so brazen as to make such a request, but since you’re just starting over and you have only one post to date (and, I presume, little readership), I might as well ask it: Any chance you’d be willing to change to a different URL and let me have this one?
I know, I know, it’s a ballsy request and not exactly a polite thing to ask. I can’t blame you if you refuse. I would harbor no ill feeling whatsoever, in fact. But perhaps you’re not unwilling to consider an act of kindness for a stranger? I doubt I’m able to offer you any sort of compensation in return for your trouble, but such a supererogatory act on your part cannot go unsmiled-upon by the universe forever. Crowns in heaven, improved karma, eternal gratitude, or what you will; it would certainly be a great kindness on your part, sure to result in some kind of cosmic adjustment of accounts in your favor.
I just ask that you consider it. And if you are willing, please let me know: skrivner@gmail.com
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