I'm taking a second swing at online blogging. I maintained a xanga site through the second half of college and into the beginning of my professional career before beginning to feel self-conscious about the things I had shared and the pictures I had posted. I had the good sense to keep things relatively clean. But as in the case of most of my personal writing, I experimented, wrote on impulse, and often used language far too strong for the context.
I'm sitting here awake because I slept until late in the day. I went into work at my usual time, but soon found that I couldn't steady my eyes long enough to read my e-mail and that I was sweating profusely. I came home thinking that maybe I'd gotten sick. I don't have any firm proof, but I'm convinced it was the Chili's I had last night.
Enough foreplay....
I usually apply reasonable solutions to the problems I encounter in my personal life. I make amends because I'm often wrong or because a gesture is a small price to pay for friendship. I slow down and take my time to get something right after f'ing it up the first time. I try not to take risks with other people's well-being (emotional, material, financial, etc.). But when reasonable solutions fail, or when a situation no longer appears to have solutions, I immediately run to the extremes; I either drop it all together or make radical changes. I have a habit of throwing everything away and starting over. No, not in the material sense... that would be completely irresponsible. I'm talking about the periphery... the places I frequent, the people I see casually, the things I do for fun. It is my solution to waking up and realizing that my life is not headed in the direction that I want.
I can recall three great razings in the history of being me. Only once has it resulted in happiness, though it never fails to permanently close the doors of temptation and short-sighted decision-making. I guess I should know by now that changes must be slow, well explored, and masterfully executed. Maybe this time I'll get it write. What can I say? I'm an old dog...
