Is there anything wrong with being typical?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Don't Fake It
This is a topic I go rounds with myself over. In many ways, it really is the largest issue I have left to reconcile. In other ways, it's completely irreconcilable. And in others still, there's nothing one can do but be natural and hold on for the ride.
The matter at hand is forgiveness vs. sympathy. They aren't exactly mutually exclusive or at odds with one another. So I guess I should say forgiveness and sympathy. One enables the other but doesn't inhibit it. The other just stands tall.
My issues with these two things (virtues, harbingers of good karma, and tools of deception) are that:
1) They are as much behaviors as they are intentions/wishes. They are often used as means. This most cynical perspective is probably rooted in encounters with and discovery of the disingenuous and seeing others' inability to discern between relation and manipulation. And
2) Transgressions and disasters precede forgiveness and sympathy. These events imply that relatively unundoable things have taken place. In the absence of magic, we have only classification of events/facts as unfair, unfortunate, unintended, and misdirected that we can share in and gather around.
Not that I'm always right about these things, but I have an above-average sense about people's intentions. Watching people get fooled outright is one of the most infuriating and demoralizing experiences one can endure. It usually leaves me feeling upset with the deceiver for being a predator and with the deceived for not seeing through it. It also contributes to an overall disregard for the sympathies and apologies of others. Moreover, it makes me hesitant to forgive or sympathize as the intention to modify behavior or share perspective and the actual modified behavior or new awareness are two completely different things. The act of calling these things out can feel like begging for attention. Just be good, you know?
All that said, as I've grown older, I've found myself more and more willing and wanting to offer up my sympathy and forgiveness. Salinger put it best when he wrote, "a man can't go on indefinitely carrying around in his pocket a key that doesn't fit anything."
What's more is that I feel like I understand the desire and ability to relate based on experience with events, but more importantly based on experience with sorrow and grief in a way that was simply beyond me in my adolescence. And while watching people fake it would really piss me off, I can accept that I was either missing the point or unequipped to participate. And I guess that's that. No matter what I feel about individual experiences or propensity for misfortune, compassion is universal and I think that's reason enough.
I can tell through observation and reflection that my natural reactions are slowly changing. In moments of frustration, I still get upset. But I'm aware of what's happenning and know how to reason with me. This is big. Not quite reconciliation, but at least there's a process in place.
The matter at hand is forgiveness vs. sympathy. They aren't exactly mutually exclusive or at odds with one another. So I guess I should say forgiveness and sympathy. One enables the other but doesn't inhibit it. The other just stands tall.
My issues with these two things (virtues, harbingers of good karma, and tools of deception) are that:
1) They are as much behaviors as they are intentions/wishes. They are often used as means. This most cynical perspective is probably rooted in encounters with and discovery of the disingenuous and seeing others' inability to discern between relation and manipulation. And
2) Transgressions and disasters precede forgiveness and sympathy. These events imply that relatively unundoable things have taken place. In the absence of magic, we have only classification of events/facts as unfair, unfortunate, unintended, and misdirected that we can share in and gather around.
Not that I'm always right about these things, but I have an above-average sense about people's intentions. Watching people get fooled outright is one of the most infuriating and demoralizing experiences one can endure. It usually leaves me feeling upset with the deceiver for being a predator and with the deceived for not seeing through it. It also contributes to an overall disregard for the sympathies and apologies of others. Moreover, it makes me hesitant to forgive or sympathize as the intention to modify behavior or share perspective and the actual modified behavior or new awareness are two completely different things. The act of calling these things out can feel like begging for attention. Just be good, you know?
All that said, as I've grown older, I've found myself more and more willing and wanting to offer up my sympathy and forgiveness. Salinger put it best when he wrote, "a man can't go on indefinitely carrying around in his pocket a key that doesn't fit anything."
What's more is that I feel like I understand the desire and ability to relate based on experience with events, but more importantly based on experience with sorrow and grief in a way that was simply beyond me in my adolescence. And while watching people fake it would really piss me off, I can accept that I was either missing the point or unequipped to participate. And I guess that's that. No matter what I feel about individual experiences or propensity for misfortune, compassion is universal and I think that's reason enough.
I can tell through observation and reflection that my natural reactions are slowly changing. In moments of frustration, I still get upset. But I'm aware of what's happenning and know how to reason with me. This is big. Not quite reconciliation, but at least there's a process in place.
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